I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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