She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
