Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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