I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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