What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
