just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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