So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
