Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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