He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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