Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
