So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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