Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
