my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
