i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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