You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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