He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
