Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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