college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
