ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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