Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
