in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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