Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
