I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
