Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
