Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
