Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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