he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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