I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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