guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
