It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
