Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
