I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
