I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
