TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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