How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
