you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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