Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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