The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
