Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
