Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
accomplished twins. life is a go
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
