When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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