If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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