3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
