I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
