So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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