Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
