did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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