the condom got lost in my hair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
