Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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