Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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