where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
