they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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