the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
