she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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