I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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