I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
