He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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