It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
