ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
