He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
