We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
