All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
