your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
