there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
