when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
