this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
