new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
