...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
