And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
