Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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