oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
