i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
