I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
